The back to school transition can feel like a full-body jolt—for kids and for caregivers. Whether your child is stepping into a classroom for the very first time or heading into the whirlwind of middle or high school, August brings new routines, new relationships, and lots of big feelings. Some kids bounce in with energy. Others feel dread, resistance, or nerves they can’t quite name.
This is a time of adjustment for the whole family. The good news? You don’t need to control every outcome or make the transition seamless. The key is helping your child feel safe, seen, and capable—even when the new year brings unknowns. That starts with connection, co-regulation (see our previous post that discusses co-regulation), and a few intentional tools.
Elementary-Age Kids: Build Courage, Connection, and Capability
Contributions from my colleague, Morgan Sanchez, M.Ed., who currently works as a play therapist, and is a former elementary school counselor and special education teacher
In elementary school, big developmental tasks involve building confidence, managing separation, and learning how to be part of a larger classroom community. That’s a lot for little nervous systems—especially after the less structured freedom of summer (which can bring its own challenges!).
Here are four foundational ways to support your younger child through the back to school transition, with a special section on Kidnergarten:
1️⃣ Fill Their Capability and Courage Buckets
When children feel capable and courageous, they’re more likely to approach challenges with confidence. But these skills don’t develop from praise alone—they come from experience. Let your child try things, mess up, and discover they can bounce back.
Support this by:
- Celebrating effort over outcomes: “You really stuck with that even when it was tricky,” instead of “You’re so smart!”
- Allowing safe failures: Resist the urge to rescue them too quickly. Let them forget the water bottle once or zip their jacket after a few tries.
- Naming their growth: “You used to need help with that, and now you’ve got it!”
- Normalizing imperfection: Remind them (and yourself) that getting things wrong is part of learning. Mistakes ≠ failure.
* For anxious, perfectionistic kiddos who tend to shut down quickly or avoid situations where they could make a mistake, create a concrete tool like a “bravery chart” or a “bravery bucket” where you can track the times they tried something new, and coped with the discomfort of making a mistake or doing it imperfectly. Then celebrate the effort—not whether they got it right. Even one tiny risk (raising a hand, asking for help) deserves recognition.
2️⃣ Create “Special Play Time”: The 10-Minute Miracle
Many young kids miss their caregivers deeply once school starts. Even if they enjoy school, they often feel the drop in one-on-one time.
One simple antidote: set aside 10 minutes a day for “Special Time.” This is child-led, undistracted play—no phones, no teaching, no correcting. Just you and your child, doing whatever they choose.
This practice is grounded in attachment research. It helps kids feel emotionally full, which increases cooperation and decreases anxiety. Even 10 minutes of focused, attuned connection can make a major difference during the back to school transition.
* For kids with high sensory or emotional needs, make sensory-friendly activities available during Special Time—like building with kinetic sand, finger painting, or bouncing on a yoga ball together.
3️⃣ Prioritize Sleep (Yes, Even Over Homework)
Sleep is the #1 most underrated back-to-school support. Young children’s bodies and brains need time to rest, grow, and process the day’s stimulation.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends:
- 10–13 hours per night for kids ages 3–5
- 9–12 hours for ages 6–12
Start shifting bedtime earlier now—not the night before school. A predictable, calming bedtime routine helps kids feel secure and makes morning transitions smoother during the back to school transition.
Pro Tip: Count backwards from your child’s wake-up time to determine bedtime. It’s often earlier than you think.
* If your child struggles to wind down, build in a sensory regulation routine before bed: a warm bath, compression sheets, deep pressure massage, or calming music can help cue the nervous system for sleep.
4️⃣ Build Predictable Routines & Simple Autonomy
Kids thrive when they know what to expect. Routines signal safety to the brain and help kids feel in control of their day.
In the weeks leading up to school and the first few weeks back:
- Practice the morning routine: Wake up, dress, eat, brush teeth. Even try the drive to school or walk to the bus stop.
- Teach goodbye rituals: A quick hug and wave is better than lingering and uncertainty. You are their steady guide.
- Give small responsibilities: Opening snack containers, zipping their backpack, using the bathroom without help—these build autonomy and self-trust.
- Involve them in preparation: Let them pick out school supplies or choose a backpack design. A little agency = big empowerment.
* For kids with executive functioning or sensory challenges, use visual schedules, checklists, and color-coded systems to help make routines concrete and easier to follow.
🎒Kindergarten-Specific Support: Normalize the Nerves
For incoming kindergarteners, this transition is huge. Even if they’ve attended preschool, kindergarten can feel like a big leap—and that’s normal. Soften the landing with these simple steps:
- Name and normalize emotions: “It makes sense to feel excited and nervous. Trying new things is hard for everyone.”
- Reflect on past bravery: “Remember how nervous you were at swim lessons? And now you love them.”
- Practice after-school plans: Who will pick them up? Where will they go? Predictability lowers anxiety.
- Make it fun: Wrap school supplies like presents. Play music in the car. Celebrate the first day with something small but special.
- Support yourself, too: Transitions bring up a mix of feelings for caregivers. Be gentle with yourself. Reach out to other parents. You don’t have to do this alone.
* If your child tends to struggle with separation, try short, playful “practice goodbyes” at home. Use transitional objects (like a small heart sticker or matching bracelet) to help them feel connected to you during the day.
As kids grow, the back-to-school transition shifts too. The needs of a 5-year-old starting Kindergarten look very different from those of a 13-year-old navigating middle school hallways or a teen managing tougher classes and getting ready for life beyond graduation. But the core remains the same: they still need connection, co-regulation, and a steady adult to walk alongside them—especially when the stakes feel higher or the emotions get more complex.
Let’s take a look at what this transition means for middle and high school students—and how to support them without overwhelming them (or yourself).
Middle & High School Students: Balancing Autonomy, Pressure & Emotional Swings
Contributions from my colleague, James Hulett, M.Ed., Ed.S., who in addition to working as a therapist in private practice, also works as middle school counselor
The older kids get, the more school becomes a whole-life experience—not just academic, but social, emotional, and identity-driven. The beginning of a new school year can stir up everything from excitement to dread, especially when combined with brain changes, shifting friendships, and performance pressure.
This age group doesn’t always show stress in obvious ways. You might see silence instead of tears, irritability instead of “I’m nervous.” But underneath, many are wondering: Will I fit in? Can I handle it? Am I enough?
Your job isn’t to fix every struggle. It’s to stay emotionally available, keep communication open, and create space where their nervous system can settle. That’s where resilience grows.
🌀 Middle School: The Emotional Rollercoaster Is Real
Middle schoolers are balancing new responsibilities, changing bodies, and big feelings—all while navigating lockers, rotating classes, and social landmines. Their brains are still learning how to plan, regulate, and connect. You can support them by starting with structure: predictable sleep, meal, and morning routines help their nervous systems stay grounded. In the mornings, a quick review of their schedule or lunch plan can ease the mental load. At night, help them name one win and one worry to keep lines of communication open during the back to school transition.
When it comes to social stress, encourage just one small connection a day—like saying hi to someone new or joining a conversation. After school, give them time to decompress before asking questions. Instead of a barrage of “How was school?” try softer, more specific check-ins like “What surprised you today?” or “What felt hard?” Model a calm presence, even if they’re irritable or shut down, and set realistic expectations: they don’t need to get everything right in the first week. If you notice they’re frequently overwhelmed or withdrawing every day, it may be a sign they need more support.
* Middle schoolers with ADHD, sensory processing needs, or anxiety may benefit from movement-based decompression (like swinging, bouncing, or walking) to help them reset after school. They also might benefit from breaking down morning and evening routines into visual steps or checklists if they get easily dysregulated by transitions.
* Try supporting social anxiety by offering to do a casual role-play so they feel more confident approaching peers. Sometimes middle schoolers cringe at this suggestion, but sometimes the humor of you pretending to be another middle schooler alone helps them feel better
For a detailed list of practical tips to support middle schoolers—including sample phrases and conversation starters—make sure to download Free Handout #1 at the end of this post.
🎓 High School: Building Interdependence, Not Independence
High school is often framed as the time when teens should “become independent”—but what they really need is interdependence: a balance of growing autonomy alongside consistent, attuned support. As Dan Siegel explains in Brainstorm, adolescence is a time of powerful brain remodeling that fuels identity formation, emotional intensity, social drive, and risk-taking. These changes don’t mean teens need less connection—they need safe, stable relationships more than ever to help them navigate the storm.
Invite your teen to take on new responsibilities, like managing their own calendar, checking school portals, or advocating for themselves with teachers. But don’t confuse stepping back with disappearing. Co-regulation still matters—just in more developmentally appropriate ways. Casual check-ins during shared moments (in the car, while cooking, walking the dog) often go farther than formal sit-downs. Reflect together on how things are going, not just what’s going wrong.
If the first few weeks feel rocky, normalize it. Help your teen build routines that support resilience: wind-down time in the evenings, physical movement, hydration, sleep, and breaks from screens. Talk through small coping strategies they can use at school when stress rises—like a grounding breath, texting a supportive adult, or visiting the counselor’s office. And when tasks feel overwhelming, offer to help them prioritize and problem-solve—with them, not for them.
- Teens with executive functioning differences (like ADHD or dyslexia) often benefit from collaborative planning sessions. Break tasks into steps together, then gradually hand over control as confidence builds.
- When emotions run high, offer regulation support framed around choice and autonomy: “Want to take a short walk before we figure this out?” lands better than “You need to calm down.”
- For teens with anxiety, help them script how to ask for help from a teacher or friend. Remind them that reaching out is not a weakness—it’s an act of self-awareness and strength.
📝 For more detailed tips, sample language, and regulation tools tailored to teens, be sure to download the free high school support handout below.
Bottom line: Teens still need co-regulation and connection to thrive. Staying close—while respecting their growing agency—is not coddling, it’s scaffolding. Show up with curiosity, patience, and presence. You’re not just helping them do life—you’re helping them learn how to do it with others.
You Need Support, Too
Remember: your child’s nervous system learns from yours. But you can’t regulate them if you’re stretched too thin, depleted, or overwhelmed. Prioritize your own rest, connection, and regulation—especially as the pace picks up.
Take a walk. Connect with a friend. Reheat your coffee one more time. Get to bed early. Say no to one more back-to-school obligation. Offer yourself the same compassion you give your child. In case you missed it, check out our blog post on Self-Compassion and Co-Regulation: Helping Your Child Develop Regulation Skills for additional tips on parental self-regulation.
Check Out our Printable Handouts in the Free Resources Library!
We’ve created two free resources to compliment this blog post:
- Supporting Elementary Schoolers Through the Back to School Transition
- Supporting Middle and High Schoolers Through the Back to School Transition
Both are available in our Free Resources Library. Just sign up for our newsletter to access.
You don’t need to have all the answers, or make every morning perfect. You just need to keep showing up, keep offering connection, and keep reminding yourself: you and your child are both doing your best.
At Early Connections, we’re here with you every step of the way!
